After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
