There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
