So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
