Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
