Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The Olympian is in my bed
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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