I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize