Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
my being single is dangerous.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We were destined to go to rehab together
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
