hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
