There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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