How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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