he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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