Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
