i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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