Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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