i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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