I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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