I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
