I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
They took my balls.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
