Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
