she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
