i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize