Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
