I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
