So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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