toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
