omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
