my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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