OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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