fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
