Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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