So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
