Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
