I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
