the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
