I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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