Your tits are I can't wait for
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
