I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
