Having a random hookup so left but love u
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
