we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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