i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
