I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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