Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
