Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
