it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
