I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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