I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
