Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
