The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
