I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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