He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
