I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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