god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I yelled at your uterus for you.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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