yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
