I have demons in me.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
