I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
