Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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