This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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