I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My hand turned me down
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
