I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
