Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
