your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
