I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
