all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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