just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
