Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
