maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
