How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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