Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Randomize
