Just fell off a train. Bad.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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