Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
