If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Randomize
