Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
