sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize