Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
this boner is exhausting
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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