so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
