A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize