How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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