NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
