You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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