Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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