Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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