i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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