woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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