Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
