she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
