I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm experimenting with sincerity
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
