i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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