how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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