I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I understand Curling. That high.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
