Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
