Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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